Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize