youre lurking in front of me
Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
Randomize
