last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
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when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
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The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
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