Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
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