my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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