if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
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