The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
Randomize
