im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
I have peed in a lot of sinks
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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