what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
I fill condoms, not promises.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
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