Rock
Scissors
Fuck
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
Ladies don't puke and tell
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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