haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
I'm jealous of your bromance
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Randomize
