I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
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