It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
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