Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Randomize
