Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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