We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
