saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
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