Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Randomize
