you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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