There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Randomize
