I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
Randomize
