Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
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