Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
you mean i was at the winter classic?
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
