And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want her autograph on my taint
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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