I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
