just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
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