I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
