saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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