where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
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