My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
Randomize
