Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
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