I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
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