so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Randomize
