Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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