i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
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my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
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You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize