i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
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