I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
Will exercising make me less horny?
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
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