On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
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