I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
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