i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
Randomize
