He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
