How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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