Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
