i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
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