Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
