the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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