There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
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