My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
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