god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
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