Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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