I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
Randomize
