i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize
