U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
The air taste purple.
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