just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
Quick, to the slutcave!
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
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