no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Randomize
