I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
Randomize
