he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
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