I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
Holy sore nipples Batman
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
Randomize
