Where is the hickey?
Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Randomize
