At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
