My liver just broke up with me...
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
