I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize
