I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
