Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
