How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
