Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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