dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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