The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
