I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Randomize
