He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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