I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
