Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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