Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Randomize
