people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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