it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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